Men with beards have always done great things; from Socrates to Yosemite Sam, beards have helped make the world a better place.
But – shockingly – there are a few dozen people on the planet that don’t think that beards are the best.
So, we present this academic paper as evidence that everyone with facial hair follicles should aspire to grow them.
Beards Are For Every Occasion
Beards are not only a convenient place to store food, but they are also incredibly adaptable. Depending on the dress code, a bearded man could appear as a lumberjack, a sophisticated gentleman who knows things about stuff, or a 1840s Californian gold miner.
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Beards Make You Appear (More) Manly
Some of us are blessed with soft, luxurious skin that doesn’t appear to have aged a single day since we were born.
This is great of course until you end up in a situation where a macho appearance is more important than a consistent moisturising regime.
Places like a bikie bar, an underground fighting club, or a six-year-old’s birthday party when there isn’t enough cake.
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Beards Make You Look Like You’re Thinking
If a beardless man is sitting opposite you, staring off into space then you can safely assume that his mind has wandered to other things.
Probably not manly things either.
A bearded man, however, will appear to be solving the world’s problems and thinking deep thoughts.
Beards Make You Famous
Don’t think so? Check out the Instagram hashtags #beard #beardlife and #beardsofinstagram.
While every one of these amazing examples of facial hair probably isn’t attached to a celebrity, they certainly should be.
By now you are obviously completely convinced that beards are the greatest. But if you’re one of those people who doesn’t have the ability to grow one, don’t worry – just Google “beard germs” and you’ll feel much better.