The thing about social media is that it keeps going. It’s like going to gym – unrewarding and the gains stop if you don’t keep it up. Luckily, I’ve got some ideas that aren’t too bad – for social media, not the gym. Also you should totally go to the gym because it’s good for your mental health and self-esteem. And muscles.
Strangely Specific Empowerment Post
‘I don’t know who needs to hear this…’ posts crack me up.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but you already have 5 blank notebooks at home.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but cancel that free trial.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but you don’t need to buy anything from Target today.
Wonderful. These things make me happy because once I read them I like to picture someone in that exact circumstance opening their social media and being like, “whaaaaaaat!”
And then probably doing the thing anyway. I’ve got so many notebooks.
Pets That You’d Like
Anaconda! Madagascar hissing cockroach! Actually, now that I’ve started this I realise that it isn’t a good idea. Don’t do this.
Your Nana Doing Young People Things
Awwww….look at Granny on the skateboard! There’s Pop on a BMX! I feel so much more confident about my mortality and look forward to defying normal conventions as I enter my golden years.
The Honest Post
It’s the anti-empowerment post! You know those wonderful people who say they wake up at 5 am and are full of energy like that’s a thing that can physically happen. When I wake up I spend 15 minutes trying to open my eyes and then 15 more chugging coffee and pulling on clothes so that I’m not late – you know: normal human behaviour.
Post a picture of you working surrounded by Red Bull and empty sugar packets. Or lifting unusually light weights at the gym, covered in sweat and with that weird strainy face on. Or shaving your legs up to the knee. Or passed out on the floor of a bar surrounded by police.
Maybe not that last one.
If all else fails, just find something eye-catching and post it. Worked for the Fyre Festival, which was – as I remember it was a triumph all round.
Good old flat lays. Grab a non-curved surface and some items and you’re good to go.
Things your cat brought in from outside
Items found under the couch
Clothes you don’t like any more
Different coloured lawn clippings