Valentines Day is a time of love, a time for flirting, a time for long dinners and bottles of champagne. Mostly though, it’s a time for roses, chocolates and cute little baskets with teddy bears in them.
But where are all the manly gifts?
You know that thing that you’re going to give your husband or boyfriend that you think is just great? It isn’t. He’s going to smile sweetly and tell you that he’s always wanted a cologne by Justin Bieber on the label, or a little toy dog wearing an ‘I Wuff You’ t-shirt…but he’s lying.
But your relationship needn’t be peppered with lies, just follow our handy guide and your relationship will be perfect. Maybe. We don’t know. Just buy him one of these things…
It wasn’t long ago that being hairy was unattractive. The fluffier of the unfairer sex were shunned as suspected bikies or yetis and had to take up jobs as lumberjack or shopping mall Santa’s just to be accepted by a society that couldn’t accept them. Then, hipsters became a thing and all of a sudden if you didn’t have a beard you were completely uncool so every male on earth grew one, which brings us up to now. So buy your hairy man a bottle of skin soothing, hair shining, nice smelling beard oil.
Tickets to a Sporting Event
Nope, the ballet is not counted. Not because it doesn’t involve incredible feats of athletics, but because it’s boring. Stop explaining it, men don’t care. Find out what sport he likes and buy him a ticket to that. Hot tip – part of the gift is dropping him off and picking him up.
Clothes He’ll Actually Wear
Yes, you’re super stylish and your partner just picks up whatever’s on the ground, smells it and puts it on. So buy him some more of the things on the ground – the singlet, shorts, track pants and jeans with stains on them. You may need to add the stains.
We’ve already covered this – motorbikes are great.
Reality is nice if you’re into that kind of thing, but nothing beats destroying an invading alien army, or street racing in a high powered car through a city. Except, you know, time with you.
He’ll never use them but you can look forward to 15 minutes of entertainment as he attempts to work out what a socket set is, and where the bits go.
A Monster Truck
It’s a more efficient way to travel because you don’t have to stop in traffic jams and when you’re trying to find a car park at the shops, people just get out of the way.
And we just saved your relationship! Remember us when you’re cuddling your hairy partner in a monster truck.